Salvia Trip

1st experience


Posted by Anonymous on 02/12/2009
Avg Rating: Unrated

Method of Ingestion:pipe

Nothing like anything I've experience but at the same time it was not totally unfamiliar. Almost impossible to describe. Took the smoke into my lungs and held it there wondering if anything would happen at all. Then some phrase was echoing around in my head. I don't think it was anything profound or meaningful but I was "hearing" my voice in my head in a way I never had before. Then I started perceiving consciousness in a way I never had before. If you've ever had a lucid dream it was something akin to that - to suddenly realizing that everything you took to be real was actually clearly nothing more than a dream, imaginary, not existing in a any real way. I found myself saying out loud (maybe) "You've got to be kidding me" as in "all this time, all of this that I took to be real is actually a complete fabrication and now I'm being let in on that secret?" I felt very confused by the inconsistency of this with what I normally feel pretty sure about but it felt very clear at the time. I definitely had that sense that others have described about having the veil lifted like that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the curtain is pulled back to reveal the mechanisms that create the illusion you took to be real. It was kind of like being let in a big joke. Part of me found it amusing although in an earth-shattering kind of way. Then I felt my normal consciousness starting to return and I maybe somewhat impulsively took another hit. If there was truth to this feeling then I wanted to know it and not just happily go back to believing in "the dream". After that I recall the feeling coming on even more strongly. And this I will never forget - suddenly I felt like the dream was ending. That my whole life and everything I had experienced was not just a dream but that it was someone or something else's dream and it was now ending. I felt like I was and had always been merely a character in a very short and insignificant dream or story who had only mistakenly believed himself and his world to be real and that it was all dissolving very quickly now. I could feel all of reality getting kind of sucked away behind me and knew that I was fading away into non-existence. Myself and the whole universe I believed, all what I perceived as matter and emotion, thoughts, ideas, memory, substance, senses was now being washed the down the drain. None of it had ever really mattered nor will ever matter. I was returning to non-existence. I felt sad to realize that I had just been this cartoon character who believed himself to be real and didn't want it all to dissolve to nothingness. I remember the "last thought" I had before this death was something about taste. That it had seemed so real and I was sad to lose this little universe I had been living in which would never exist again. I had a vague sense that this universe is just one of an infinite number of ways consciousness can manifest an experience of itself. In that moment I was astounded that it was all ending but there was no denying it. I felt it all going. Obviously, however, the universe or my experience of it did not pop out of existence and I then found myself reassuringly picking things up to verify that they were actually there and that this "reality" would continue in the way I had previously experienced it. The whole experience as maybe 20 minutes or so with the intense part of it probably only lasting a few minutes. Could not have prepared for an inexperience like that. It was fairly disturbing as you might guess but I'm not opposed to being disturbed a bit on these kinds of journeys. I believe they always have something to teach us whether about reality or more likely about our own unconscious. Because I don't have any knowledge or even a strong believe in any kind of after life then this experience kind of reflects my experience of life. We're born, we live, we die and when we die I suppose it's like this. We slip back into non-existence and for us, at that point, it not only ceases to exist but since you will have no conscious to recall it, it's as if it never did. Although that's a thought most people would find very depressing or difficult (and it's not exactly comforting to me) I accept it and instead of making life seem like it's not worth living, it actually makes me savor this experience while it lasts. Even if it's just a dream and won't add up to anything, it's good to taste of it while it's here. ;)


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