A Descent Into Madness - Part 1 - Deja Vu
Posted by ratatonic30 on 02/04/2009
|Method of Ingestion:||glass pipe|
I'm going to attempt to describe in as much detail as humanly possible about my encounters with Salvia. The problem with doing that is that there has not been a lot of visual things to describe as of yet. Instead, I'm going to try and explain the feelings, thoughts, and realizations that have occurred to me. This will be an ongoing "report" of my experiences. There will be more to come.
How I Came To Know
Before I go any further, I want to give you a quick history lesson about myself and how I came to know the Salvia leaf. For starters, I'm 35 years old and have done my fair share of experimenting. Around the age of 17-19, I dabbled with inhalants. Inhaling anything that could get me high. I did Scotch guard and carburetor cleaner out of bags. I huffed on gasoline. I was also notorious for doing freon straight out of air conditioner units and leaving them empty. I gave those up and went on to take up weed as my drug of choice. Did some LSD and shrooms on occasion shortly after high school. At 21, it was alcohol. I went on to cocaine, both snorting and smoking. As of today, I am not feeding any addiction. I've had my problems and I'm still tempted every now and then but I'm managing to keep myself together.
One evening, while lying in bed, I was changing the channels and came across a news story about some herb/drug that I'd never heard of. I don't remember anything about the report except that it was mind altering and still legal. I reached over and jotted down the drug's name. SALVIA. "I'll have to check that out online in the morning", I told myself. The next morning, I ran a search for this so called hallucinogen. Websites, videos, testimonials, buy here, buy there...everything you ever wanted to know about this "wonderful" plant leaf. So, I decided to put down a little cash on a gram of 15X. 3-5 business days via the U.S. Postal Service. I could hardly wait. Then I realized that I didn't have to wait. On my way to work it occurred to me that if it was an herb, and legal, then I should be able to find it in some head shop. Sure enough, after a few searches, I was able to locate some fairly close by. I departed work at lunch time to begin my trek into the unknown. I was a little anxious but still excited. I arrived at a head shop that was connected to a cell phone store. The manager oversaw both businesses. I explained what I wanted and he showed me his Salvia Zone collection. I was going to purchase two 1/2 gram packages of the weaker stuff at first but he talked me into getting a half of the purple. Same price. He told me that he just wanted me to "enjoy" it. I had spent about 25 minutes or so and had to get back to work soon. I wanted to do my first hit a little closer to work so I would become lost or anything. I drove back and decide to park it in front of a bowling alley. In the front, but about 50 yards to the left of the entrance and in between two vans.
The First Hit
Sitting in my car, I turned off the engine, removed the keys, unbuckled my seat belt, and prepared what I thought was a good hit. The gentleman that sold it to me also told me that my purchase was enough for about four people. So, I figured that a good toke would be about 1/4 of the bag. Being a beginner, I decided to just take enough to lightly fill the bottom of the bowl. I really just expected to see colors and objects. If I was lucky, maybe I could see more. It's just a little package. It's just a tiny hit. It's legal for Christ's sake. How much of a buzz could I get off some head shop herb? I lit up, hit the pipe, and held my breath as long as I could. That's the last thing I remembered.
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED???" That's the only thing I kept repeating to myself as I stood outside of my car on the sidewalk. I had only a few brief snapshots in my head about what had occurred. I could barely remember. Shaking like a leaf and still not in control of my body, I leaned back into my car to grab a cigarette. I lit the cigarette and then it happened again. My car had pulled me back into the driver's seat and I began to fade in and out. I remember losing control of my head and neck. My chin went down to my chest and then I started to make circles like when you would stretch during P.E. class. Around and around she went. Totally helpless. I felt a great sense of Deja Vu come over me. I was somewhere that I had been before. It was a place that I shouldn't have come back to. I heard no voices and saw no people. I could hardly open my eyes for more than a couple of seconds at a time. I was in a place where I was exposed to the the whole world. A million eyes were watching my every move. I was being stretched out and integrated into my surroundings. It was punishment. I was being punished for coming back to this place. As if I had first came into existence by being ripped out of an inanimate object. I was never born. I never had any real memories of childhood. This was the secret that I had stumbled upon. The secret was that myself, and everyone for that matter, had come to our "normal" world from another "not so normal" world. I was being punished for discovering the truth. I felt a presence watching over me in judgment. Not one "person", like God, but a group of "people" that sat and made decisions about people's fates. I became aware that I had returned to where I had originated from and had broken some kind of "law" for doing so. My sentence was to be placed back into the inanimate world. I was being stretched and began fusing together with something (the passenger side door, perhaps). Terrible dread. Enormous fear. Words couldn't, and still can't, describe the horror. I pulled and strained and struggled...and then it was over. I woke up.
Horrible panic and a great sense that I witnessed something that I wasn't supposed to. That's what awaited me when I jumped out of my car for a second time. This time I had half a cigarette with the butt clinched in my front teeth. I had to get it together quickly because the only thing I could think of was "everyone just saw that." I sat back in my car to try and relax. The sweat. The burning. My face and neck were flush and my hands and arms felt sun burnt. Very dizzy and confused. It took about 15 more minutes to calm myself down and realize that it was over. Things happened to me in that car that I can't fully remember. I have one memory of me getting out of the car for the first time, in sheer panic. It's like a snapshot that's been etched into my mind. The only problem is that it's a picture of me standing in front of my car from the perspective of someone sitting inside the car. Yes, a true "out of body" experience. Like I took a photo of myself...that is the memory.
It's taken a lot of thinking to try and make any sense out of my ordeal. My trip was based primarily on feelings and it's hard to describe feelings with words alone. The Deja Vu. Being back in a world that I knew all too well but had forgotten. The punishment imposed upon me by a higher power. A higher power that did not act alone but was rather the "spokesperson" for the millions of eyes. The only thing that I could think of to relate it to was the movie "Hellraiser." The puzzle box is solved and then you have to answer.
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