Salvia Trip

Killed a Universe


Posted by Anonymous on 27/03/2009
Avg Rating: Unrated

Method of Ingestion:Smoking (water pipe, torch lighter)

Let me preface this by saying that I did everything wrong. This was my first (and to date, only) experience with hallucinogens. I did it outside, on an unfamiliar street, with a friend and a few people I didn't know. We all smoked, with the exception of one sitter. I should have been in a familiar, home-like setting, with one or two close friends, preferably with dim lights and no large open spaces.

Anyway, I took one hit, held it for a little while, then coughed hard. I felt the effects almost immediately, but it would be classified as more of a level 1 or 2; basically, I did not immediately hallucinate. I just felt outrageously high, and my friend told me I was laughing uncontrollably.

Having already decided that I wanted nothing more than to trip balls, I tracked down the pipe again and took two more large hits. I do not remember passing off the pipe, and I immediately started to hallucinate vividly. There are really no words for what I experienced. I do not remember the first minute or so (although I had no concept of time) at all. After I started to become aware-ish, I found I was inside of a completely two dimensional universe, and that I was a completely two dimensional being (here used loosely) who had never known anything else. Patters of color and light flowed past me and through me, and it was my job to align them. I cannot see any pattern, but the being that I was knew exactly what needed to be done.

Suddenly, my consciousness (that is, the one I use normally) snapped through the haze for a split second before disappearing again. It was so vastly incompatible with my hallucinated consciousness that I didn't know what to do. I tried to regain my normal self, but nothing happened. I was unable to force even a moment of lucidity, and it felt as though the very fabric of my mind had been unalterably changed. I could not even remember what this world looked like, or felt like; my brain was wired entirely in two dimensions. The patterns that had been the sole purpose of my hallucinated self's life began to lose their shape and definition, and the two dimensional dream universe suddenly took on a sinister, unstable feeling. The harder I fought, the worse this feeling got.

As I tried to wrench myself back into a world I no longer remembered, I could feel my the dream world beginning to collapse. There were other beings in this universe that I cared about deeply, as much as my family and friends in the "real" world, and they all begged me to stop, so come back and be with them. I became trapped in between the two, my brain working in two dimensions and a body I had forgotten about existing in four. I could snap for an instant into reality before being dragged back into the dream world, sometimes as the 2D being and sometimes as my self. At this point, I though it had been about an hour or so. I knew salvia was only supposed to last a little bit, so I became convinced I had lost my mind, which only intensified my desire to recapture my regular reality.

As I fought harder, the gyrations between hallucination and the real world became more violent. I realize now that I was trying to sober up while preserving the hallucinated universe, although at the time the only thing that was obvious was that my mind could only sustain one universe, and that the other would have to die. As I tried to let go of the hallucination, my "family," although the term really does not apply in this case, tried to drag me back, pleading with waves of pure emotion (this was how beings communicated in that universe) for me to come back. They knew, as well as I, that if I chose to leave, it would mean killing them all by collapsing their universe upon them.

I was faced with a choice; I could either lose my mind, or destroy everything I had ever known or loved. As I started to come down, and reality started to fade back in, the choice was made for me, although I do not know if it was the choice I would have made if it had been my decision. That is how real this universe was to me; I was ready to sacrifice my own sanity to protect it.

I came down softly crying, almost unable to move because of the crushing guilt. I felt my own existence was a betrayal of everything I had ever loved because the fact that I was still able to understand the concept of "I" meant that I had killed an entire plane of being. I didn't feel right for a few days afterward, and I'm still not sure if my mind went back to normal or if I just grew accustom the current way of things. Whenever I think back on the experience, my brain tries to block it out. If I manage to break through the self imposed road blocks, I still feel the horrible sadness and guilt. At some level, this experience has changed me forever. I suppose absolute horror can do that to a person, and that is really the only way I have of describing it; horror. That is the only word that even comes close.

Strange though it may sound, I do not regret taking salvia. I don't know if I'll ever do it again, but it was significant and I feel it gave me insight into the horrible things my mind is capable. I stared madness in the face. I felt things I had never felt before, and hope never to feel again. I felt the most alone I have ever felt, and I feel I have become a better person for it.


1 Comment - Add


Posted by alfonsdewolf on 03/28/2009
Rating: Unrated

My experiences with salvia impressed me with the brute force that it is neither positive or negative but Just_Is. But! this world, is it our own creation?, that is, we are all a Universe unto it go beyond our human selfs?..or merely show us our entire personal 'time line' in a brutal fashion?.
The 'Universe' you felt you were leaving behind and felt guilty it YOUR universe, and yours only? Is it a rich example that we, individually, have the same power as God, Himself, in the art of creation?
I, myself, can not answer these questions with certitude.

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