Never again...
Posted by Anonymous on 25/07/2010
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| Level: | 5 |
|---|---|
| Type/Strength: | 60X |
| Method of Ingestion: | Iced Bong |
Not entirely sure where to start really. I've tried 20X Salvia before with what I can only describe as mild sensations, the feeling of pins and needles all over my body, giggling, feeling hot and sweating. But ultimately not the effects I was expecting/wanting. A year passes and me and some friends decide its time to give it another shot, but due to our less then stellar experience on 20X, we upped the strength to 60X. I've seen video's, read accounts, thinking I'd have a better understanding, and a better respect for the drug, but nothing prepared me for what happened..
I was sat on my friends couch chair, while they readied the bong, I was mentally preparing myself, somehow trying to free my mind from all apprehension and all preconceptions. free my mind so the drug can do whatever it had to do without ME or my state of mind getting in the way.
I take a hit of the bong, and hold it in for 20 seconds. I'm almost instantly gone. and even now I only vaguely remember taking the hit itself. In my mind everything that followed happened while my friends where preparing the bong itself. Which made the experience all the more frightening since mentally I was completely unaware that I was on a drug, as far as I was concerned, what was happening was very real. and incredibly scary.
I felt like I had been knocked out of reality for what seemed like an eternity, I was conscious and yet was on a completely different plain of existence.
Imagine life is comprised of pages in a flip book, and imagine existing on only one of those pages, but being completely aware of the pages before and after you, in terms of sight and sound. Now take the idea and apply it to a constantly rotating cylinder or wheel. As I fell to the floor in my friends house, leaning against the radiator (the corrugated edge of the radiator probably being the cause of what I was experiencing), I was a single "page" in life, I could see, hear and FEEL the pain, frustration and sadness of those pages before me trying to grasp on to reality, and at the same time I could see and feel the excitement of the pages behind as reality was approaching them. but each pass was short lived, I existed long enough to see my friends watching over me and the room I was in, only for it to be snatched away for the next "page" to live. This continued for what felt like an entire lifetime. What made this worse was how it all felt a bit like drowning. When I was out of existence I felt like I'd been pulled underwater, having to hold my breath until my turn to exist come back around, only then could I take a gasp for air. (my friends said I was gagging and gasping for air in reality too, he thought i was going to be sick)
At this point I was coming back to reality, I still felt like I was on this spinning "flip-book" called life, but I was able to remain there longer and longer, this is when my physical self tried to fight the effects of the Salvia, I wanted it to stop so badly it became frustrating, and with each rotation I'd grasp frantically at the air (what I saw as reality) trying to hold on. at this point I was conscious enough to hear my friends again, one of them saying they wanted to take the next hit of Salvia, and I mustered up enough strength to shout to him "NO, no no no no no" repeatedly warning him not to do it. I felt like I was going to be in this weird world of non-existence forever, and if I was to do one last thing it was to warn my friend not to join me. I also shouted, in a very forceful, and angry way "sit the fuck down" which I'm still not sure why I said that, but apparently it scared my friends quite a lot.
I then started to calm down, the effects where wearing off and I could physically FEEL myself. Touching my hat and hair, knowing I was becoming "real" once again. Feeling like I had won this "wheel of fortune" "Flip-book" game of chance called life. I felt like I'd succeeded, that I lived. but when my friend asked if I was OK, and said he was going to help my other friend with the bong, I asked him to stay by my side, for no other reason then to be there. He legitimised existence, he was proof I was back and I needed him there while I recovered enough to walk.
ultimately though, I was still incredibly scared. I was worried that my experience could ruin my life, break my mind, that I could become obsessed with what I saw, questioning reality, feeling like I knew what I perceived to be the truth and going mad thinking about it.
and now, 2 days after, I still feel like that. and it's precisely why I'm here writing about it. I've told those who where there at the time my experience, but they laugh it off like it's just a funny story, but for me it was terrifying, and I'm hoping writing this, and getting it off my chest will make me feel better about the whole situation. since I don't want to have this strange nagging, worried feeling in the back of my mind any more. I just want it to go away.
Even now I feel strangely distant from my actions. Like I'm going through the motions and not necessarily enjoying anything I do. And yet I am aware that what I saw was concocted by my mind in reaction to an hallucinogenic drug. But what my mind experience obviously felt real. I now need to try to convince myself that something that looked, sounded and felt real, was nothing more then a scary dream. I'm hoping I don't take too long to do it.
And that's pretty much my "bad trip" tale. I've always been fascinated by hallucinogenic drugs, since they are so different to anything else out there, but Salvia has scared me away from that completely. While it wasn't my first time using it, it is definitely my last.
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Posted by GreenDragon333 on 07/27/2010
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