Who is No-one?
Posted by Anonymous on 11/07/2011
|Method of Ingestion:||Glass Bowl|
I have now experienced Salvia four times, each time similar in details to my latest experience: (Standardized-15x, Med-Large Hit, Glass Bowl) Each experience has been identical to the others, except for my reaction, response and interactions to the experience itself. I will give an overall description/explanation of the sum of my experiences so far.
I will begin to feel 'it' just seconds after the first bit of smoke enters my lungs. I hold my completed hit in and can never clearly remember exhaling it. I also can never remember the transition from the 'normal' state to the peak of the experience.
Every time, I am utterly shocked. I am in a profound state of awe, I find myself thinking "what did I get myself into?" It is like stepping out of this reality into the prime-reality that functions as a library or storage center of all other infinite realties. It feels like something circular/spherical is rotating, inside me and around me. Also, I hear a word/sound mentally that I managed to say out loud last time. It was something like "dirk squirt" or "derh quart". The sound seems to be an audible representation of the spinning, it is in a steady continuous rhythmic cycle [derh-quart-derh quart-derh-quart].
I am lost in this infinite maze knowing that 'I' must have just left one of these realties, but cant remember its details. As I come out of that space into my current reality of residence, I begin to remember the details of my life and my identity.
The problem is that when I am not in that space, even minutes after the peak, I can barely remember that ineffable feeling of being there. Therefore every time it hits me I am shocked thinking "oh no! I forgot! This is what its was like!" I often find myself struggling to rationalize/understand the experience at its peak and then I spend hours later trying to remember it. If I let go and just think freely about Salvia and my experience, I may occasionally get a flash of that feeling and then it vanishes.
Secondly, I have never closed my eyes and I do not see anything. Even though what my physical eyes see while on Salvia has no relevance or meaning, I do feel it is much more difficult to absorb and enjoy the freedom from this reality, identity and self when you have a constant visual reminder of it.
These experiences have left me with a large gratitude for my current reality and an appreciation for its simple pleasure. It has also clearly exposed my ego-self, my compulsion to intellectualize, and my self-imposed responsibility to be 'me' for those who know 'me' in this life.
Next time I will close my eyes so that I may see this space, and hopefully surrender even deeper to this prime-reality that is void of "self" and "I". To, let go and be consumed by the experience, thoroughly cleansed by the obliteration of identity.
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